How To Know your Growing Old


Every thing hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals

You feel like the night before and you haven’t been anywhere

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D


You get winded playing chess

Your children begin to look middle aged

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

You join a health club and don’t go, you buy one of the and don’t use it.

You begin to out live enthusiasm.

You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.

Your mind makes contracts your body can’t meet.

A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your bifocals.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is 25 years ago today.

You turn out the light for economic rather then romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and you can’t get it going.

Your knees buckle and your belt won’t

You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.

You’re 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 96 around the golf course.

You stopped looking forward to your next birthday.

After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

Dialing long distance wares you out.

You’re startled the first time you are addressed as ol’ timer.

You remember today, that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.

You can’t stand people who are intolerant.

The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.

You burn the midnight oil after 9:00 p.m..

Your back goes out more then you do.

A fortune teller offers to read your face

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a goog looking man go by.

The little gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

You get your exercise acting as pall bearer for your friends who exercise.

You got too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

The candles on your birthday cake cost more then the cake does


Your Doctor always greets you with how are you young man or young women.

Author Unknown

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