So You Think Your Ugly

For me ugleness is a way of life, I mean for me I was such an ugly baby that when I was born my mother recieved over a hundred sympathy cards. Two was from my father. In fact I came out so bad, the doctor who delevered me gave mom 20% off .I was born at home but when my mother saw me she was taken to the hospital(she was in shock)
It was especially hard being an ugly child. WheneverI went to parties my friends always wanted to pin the tail on me. I was so ugly that my mother took me everywhere, so she wouldn’t have to kiss me goodbye.
When My parents went on vacation they sent my bother to my aunt’s house and sent me to the kennel.
At the age of nine my parents ran away from home. Some people look like they were beaten with an ugly stick
but I looked like the whole tree fell on me. People said I was responsible for a new rage at the dances. It was called the “Screem and Run”.
At twelve I got acne and nobody noticed, if I would have know about the renewal derm products I would have used them. I went to the drug store and asked for something for my face, and the druggest gave me a paper bag. I was so ugly that even my pimples left. In all that time I only met one girl of which I really liked. I told her she was the girl of my dreams she told me I was the boy of her nightmares.
Once I took her to a nice resturant, and when we got there she aksed if I wouldn’t mind staying in the car and watching her purse. Turnes out she didn’t even have a purse.
being ugly does have some advantages though. Once I held off a vampire for twenty minutes with a wallet size photo of myself. Seems my pictures have always been in demand. My friends use them to scare rats away from garbage cans. At least they did until the rats complained to the humain socity.
I thought things were really getting better recently when the Ugly Liberation Movement asked me to pose for their recruting poster. Only soon after I was arrested for indecent exposure and all I had showing was my face.
I come to this conclusion, uglliness is in the eye of the beholder. Except with me that is, my ugliness is in my eyes, nose, teeth, my warts.

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