That’s Life


1. I CHILD PROOFED MY HOUSE, BUT THEY STILL GET IN.

2.  60 ISN’T OLD. IF YOU’RE A TREE.
3. I’M STILL HOT…IT JUST COMES IN FLASHES.
4. AT MY AGE, “GETTING LUCKY” MEANS FINDING MY CAR IN
    THE PARKING LOT.


5. MY REALITY CHECK JUST BOUNCED.
6. LIFE IS SHORT. MAKE FUN OF IT.
7. I’M NOT 50. I’M $49.95 PLUS TAX.
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8. PHYSICALLY PFFFFFT!
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9. BUCKLE UP. IT MAKES IT HARDER FOR THE ALIENS TO
    SNATCH YOU FROM YOUR CAR.
10. I’M NOT A SNOB. I’M JUST BETTER THAN YOU ARE.
11. IT’S MY CAT’S WORLD. I’M JUST HERE TO OPEN CANS.
12. EARTH IS THE INSANE ASYLUM OF THE UNIVERSE.
13. KEEP STARING…I MAY DO A TRICK.
  
14. WE GOT RID OF THE KIDS. THE CAT WAS ALLERGIC.
15. MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING. ONE BRILLIANT FLASH
      AND IT’S GONE.
16. EVERY TIME I SAY THE DIRTY WORD “EXERCISE”, I WASH
      MY MOUTH OUT WITH CHOCOLATE.
17. CATS REGARD PEOPLE AS WARM-BLOODED FURNITURE.
18. LIVE YOUR LIFE SO THAT WHEN YOU DIE, THE PREACHER
      WON’T HAVE TO TELL LIES AT YOUR FUNERAL.
19. IN GOD WE TRUST. ALL OTHERS WE POLYGRAPH.

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