Do those terms and abbreviations have you stumped? Read on:
PATTERN: A set of written instructions that may or may not result in creating the object in the picture. Most patterns include a list of supplies, but this is for your amusement only. After all, Amazonian Rhesus yarn in color #314–Smokey turquoise, does not exist, and cannot be obtained. Patterns also have fun-to-do math problems, such as 1 dc in next 7 dc (34 dc made). ???!!!
YO: This stands for Yarn Over, meaning you need to wrap your yarn over your hook. Of course, this assumes the yarn you are using doesn’t split, fray, or tangle. If this happens, YO then stands for “Yell Outrageously.”
DTRTRC: Double-treble-treble-crochet. This is a stitch where you YO 4 zillion times, insert hook in stitch, and pull through next two loops on hook, and repeat until all loops are off hook, or until the end of time, whichever comes first.
REVERSE SC: This stitch is the lefty’s revenge on all of us righties; for once we have to work backwards, too!
CATALOG: A dangerous device that hypnotizes crocheters. While in a catatonic state, it causes them to spend the family’s grocery money on patterns and yarn. May also be a communist plot to cause the downfall of the American economy.
YARN: The only reason sheep farms can still exist!
HOOK: A device that is permanently attached to a crocheters hand. It must also be connected to her blood supply, because if for some reason it becomes dislodged from her hand, she breaks into a sweat and starts to feel faint. If the hook cannot be immediately replaced, the only valid substitute is a catalog (see above).
DOILY: At first this innocent item looks just like a table protector, but if someone actually tries to put a wet glass on it or place an ashtray on it, the creator will instantly turn into Attila the Hun and say such things as, “How COULD you??!!” and, “Are you CRAZY? I worked for weeks on that!” Use doilies at your own peril.
CAT: A non-mechanical device used for unraveling afghans, unwinding skeins, and keeping the crocheters lap warm while working. Although very efficient at its job, a cat requires daily maintenance in the form of light stroking every day.
DOG: Another non-mechanical device that is used for chasing down balls of thread and putting tooth-mark engravings in wooden hooks. A very high-maintenance item that does not store easily.
COMPUTER: An electronic device that provides a wealth of crocheting information, until you realize that you are spending more time at the computer acquiring information than you are actually crocheting!
HOUSEWORK: A mythological rite that was performed by some women in the BC era (BC = Before Crochet). Some believe that it may have had something to do with a device called a “vacuum,” which was kept in a closet now occupied by yarn.
BABIES: A valid excuse to crochet something.
CHRISTMAS: A valid excuse to crochet something.
BIRTHDAYS: A valid excuse to crochet something.
TUESDAY: A valid excuse to crochet something.
THREAD: Working with thread is a way to increase your visits to your optometrist.
SWEATER: Making one is proof that your gauge *was* way off.
BUDGET: If it doesn’t include “crochet supplies,” you’d better work it out again.
HUSBAND: The one who reminds you that your WIPs are now taking over every room in the house.
CRAFT FAIR: A place where everyone buys things at every booth–except yours.
CHEERS, and may all your projects be frogless!